I'm sure my story is a lot like most but I will begin anyway. I grew up in the church, my family being the perfect mormon family. My dad was a returned missionary, met and married my mother at BYU and had four children. We went to church every Sunday and did everything we were suppose too. My parents started to become inactive when I got into high school, just lost interest I suppose. I began to explore other opportunities, but never admitted that to any one of my friends or family, knowing they would hate me for it. When I went away to college, I made my decision to leave. I hated the way the church treated women and couldn't be apart of something like that (among other reasons). When I finally told my family, they were devastated. Even though my parents weren't very active, all my siblings (with the exception of the youngest) had gotten married in the temple and were extremely active. My dear sister cried for months.

Through all of this, I have managed to maintain a happy and healthy relationship with my family (for the most part) and my religious views are just ignored, which I am okay with. I have worked very hard to get to where I am, and I'm still realizing how scarred I am in very strange ways (Like I'm terrified to take my husbands name.... Strange I know...) However, My biggest problem is I miss the community...

My husband and I recently moved to California, and the loneliness is palpable. I miss the days where you moved into a new neighborhood and all the neighbors brought brownies and casseroles to welcome you. I'm sure your thinking that I'm silly and wondering why I came here. I guess I just needed to know that the struggles I'm going through, I am not alone in. I've visited this forum many times before but I decided that I'd take the plunge and join

Hello aymiahfayth, I'm glad to have the chance to be one of the first persons from your new group of growing OĹ Mormon friends, to welcome you into town. Thanks for taking the plunge! Can you just imagine what the day will hold when you MeetUp with one of us in real life and in person? Or maybe make it to the October conference and get the opportunity to see some great love in action. Hey, try and remember that we're all fantastic past Mormon friends here only much, much better.

_________________
God of Poly-Folly Folly

{ If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer ~ Stevie Wonder }
.................. www.­tudou.­com/­programs/­view/­7Q0q-­Vv8sHQ/
.............. http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/7Q0q-Vv8sHQ/
.................. www.tudou.com/programs/view/7Q0q-Vv8sHQ/


God of Poly-Folly Folly

Hi, aymiahfayth. Welcome.

I've missed the community very much as well. A few summers ago, I went back to my old chapel to attend the funeral of a friend's mother. Everyone was really excited to see me, and there were hugs all around.

As I sat there talking to everyone during the lunch after the funeral, I sadly realized that I simply didn't fit in with them anymore. All they ever talk about is church related stuff. I was depressed for several days after that.

But you can't unlearn what you know about the Church when you've studied everything you could get your hands on, as I have. I still miss them, but I no longer fit in, and there's nothing that I can do about that. I can't live a lie. I could never forget their intolerance and their judgmental attitudes.

So I'm rather stuck with it. The good thing is that I've never been closer to my family before (non-members). My friends (all members) have always been the most important people in my life. This has given me an opportunity to get to know my family better than I ever have before, and I've really grown to love them.

But I don't hang out with them, so I basically have no social life anymore. I do get lonely at times. All my best friends current live in my computer.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Welcome Miah, You're not alone in having feeling of isolation...thats part of the collateral we give up in getting out...its good that you have a hubby to confide in when things get a little emotional and be patient with yourself, you will make new friendship circles based on better things than TSCC....a fresh start is good. The fact that you're here posting is a great step in the recovery process...welcome once more..

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."

You're not alone in your situation at all. My family relationships are strikingly similar to yours except that in my case enough time has passed since my leaving the church and I have done so much research that I have become a "sniper of truth" to those who are showing signs of doubt, because I genuinely dislike the way the church uses pressure and fear to victimize its members.

I also found the transition from Mormonism to normalcy to be very difficult in terms of friend relationships. As you know, those relationships with Mormon friends disappear almost immediately when you leave the church and it becomes necessary to find a replacement for church activities in order to garner new friends. You don't inherit new potential friends by moving to a new area as a non-Mormon--you have to work for it. Being here is a good start. We are a very supportive group. Welcome!

_________________
Dipsnort, sniper of truth and aspiring Harriet Tubman of Mormonism

Welcome aymi,

Being a native Californian, I can tell you that it can sometimes be difficult to make friendships with us because we are all so busy and rushed. I think it comes with the territory. Not having lived anywhere else in the States (except on my mission), I have no comparison with what neighbors elsewhere do. There are only a couple neighbors with whom we share more than just pleasantries as we pass each other on the street, and for those neighbors it was only after living near each other for a few months that a relationship started to develop.

Except for a nephew and brother who will go out and share a beer with me, our typical contact with my family is Thanksgiving Day, or other family functions in Southern California (e.g., we went to my niece's wedding reception, and nephew's funeral). Seldom do we make the trip to Utah for the family functions (e.g., we went for one big family reunion, but when my sister got married, she got married in the temple and so was only having a reception. Therefore we told my family that since we were not seeing her get married, we would not be traveling all that way just to eat cake and give her a gift.)

I also understand the desire for community. Stay around here a while and become part of this community. You will like it.

_________________
Tell my mother, tell my father
I've done the best I can
To make them realize this is my life
I hope they understand.
I'm not angry, I'm just saying
Sometimes goodbye is a second chance.
Shinedown, "Second Chance" The Sound of Madness

Hi aymiahfayth!

Welcome to the Hotel California! (where "you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave!)

Like other places, you'll learn to love CA if you give it some time. (Even though I live in Utah now, I was born in SF and have lived there in different parts for a few years.) It's difficult to make friends at first because so many people are new to the area, and there tends to be a bit of anxiety (maybe xenophobia) that keeps people from reaching out to one another.

There are some good LDS "tribes" in many areas, and frankly, if you like hanging around LDS people, go to church and make some friends. Californian LDS members tend to be a bit more liberal in their thinking, so you might like them. (I have lots of LDS friends in CA even now.)

However, check out other churches, social groups, clubs, hobbyists, etc. There is SO MUCH to do in California.

And, if that doesn't work, get a case of fine Napa or Sonoma wines and have some great times at home with the hubby!

_________________
Improbi hominis est mendacio fallere - Cicero

Hello, Aymiahfayth.
I love the Pacific Ocean.
That was sort of a constant, something I could always count on,
it was always there, and matching my mood,
or my mood matched hers.
Calm, energetic, stormy, funny, distant, near.
Find some places in nature that you can enjoy just for yourself.
"Taking time out" helps in many ways.