I grew up in the church, so I was a staunch defender of my faith for such a long time. I always had answers up my sleeves for every question and query that came my way.

As I moved through different social circles, I'd get hit with various different questions that I could not answer. I'd go home, do my study and be unable to find anything in my church publications. Every now and then, I'd scour secular resources and come up with an answer contradictory to gospel teachings. When this happened, I'd simply sweep it under the rug and forget about it.

I went through many waves and cycles of activity and inactivity. I was so convinced about living in the last days, I was never truly at ease whether I was in full activity or whether I was cursing myself with the guilt and the inadequacy of being unworthy.

One day I began to entertain the idea that perhaps the church was false. It was terrifying. Needless to say, that once I finally accepted that it wasn't real, I felt true freedom.

I'll always have a certain kind of love for the church, as it's molded me into the person I am today, and many of my loved ones are still apart of it. I myself, however, feel cheated. I think of how the gospel preaches 'the end of days', and uses people's families against them as snares to keep them around. The sad part is, I don't know who to blame. The church leaders seem to be doing the best they can with the knowledge they have; so it must all come back to Joseph Smith. Maybe he saw an angel of the devil, maybe he was a pathological liar, maybe he was just crazy.

So now I'm at the point where I'm trying to sort the real from the b.s. I've had the spirit manifest the truthfulness of a fake gospel, so now, I can no longer trust anything that this feeling has granted me to believe in the past. I'm taking time to figure things out for myself

Hi ariane,

Your story sound a lot like other people's stories on this forum, including my own. There are some very knowledgable and intelligent people on these boards, so stick around! I am a recent exiter and have found discussions here to be very helpful.

In my recent experience, when presented with problems relating to Mormonism, not one of my friends, family members or church leaders were able to provide an adequit response to my concerns. They all pin their beliefs on faith and feelings. I just posted a link to a TED talk called The Security Mirage. It touches on the concepts of feelings vs reality, cognitive and confirmation bias.

I hope you find yourself a virtual home here. I can say that it does get better. The anger dissapates but for me the frustration at the inability of friends and family members to see sense hasn't fizzled yet! But I'm still new at this myself.

All the best to you! Look forward to seeing more of you.

_________________
"Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation it may soon lead to full establishment of truth."
Ambrose Bierce

Hi ariane,
You don't have to worry much, we're only being here to help.
The best thing to know is of course, opportunities to share e-mails and PM's with others as well as enjoy face to face MeetUp's sometimes, can really mean an awful lot.

_________________
God of Poly-Folly Folly

{ If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer ~ Stevie Wonder }
.................. www.­tudou.­com/­programs/­view/­7Q0q-­Vv8sHQ/
.............. http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/7Q0q-Vv8sHQ/
.................. www.tudou.com/programs/view/7Q0q-Vv8sHQ/


God of Poly-Folly Folly

Ariane, you have found yourself in the same place that many of us here are in. Some here have integrated into other religions, and others have chosen to look outside of organized religion for spiritual growth and understanding.
All are welcome here, and all opinions considered.

Welcome to the forums, and good luck to you in your quest for truth. You may find that there are no satisfying truths, and leaving the LDS faith is enough to make anyone a permanent skeptic.

Hi ariane90,

Welcome to the group.

While I did leave the Mormon church, I agree that it's not all bad. It's just not true.

One thing that the LDS teach is that they are the only true church.
LDS teach that you must belong to a church.
When I left is to fine the next one true church.
My wife suggested that I just give it some time and figure out what I believe.
I've got a wise wife.

I'm one of the people who've gone from Mormon to Christian.
I don't belong to any particular group.
I do bible studies with several.
I attend a couple.
I listen to some preachers on TV or the radio.
I listen to where the Glory goes and whether they are preaching from the book or not.
I don't need any membership cards or secret handshakes.
My faith is between me and my God.

If you're interested in revisiting Christianity, I'd point you to Shawn McCraney (www.hotm.tv). He was LDS for 40 years, left it and studied christianity. He has a TV show in SLC that he's had for 6 years (old shows are archived on his site). He takes a teaching of the LDS and compares it to what the Bible teaches. It's been very valuable for my wife and myself to separate out what the LDS teach from what the Bible teaches.


Peace

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17

ariane90,

What a searching, honest, heart-felt story. It looks like you are at a point of seeing the first faint gleam of light. I wish you the best. And, long for the day when all the darkness is in your past.

_________________
"Asking God if a story is true, with the only acceptable answer being, 'Yes,' may not be a sound method to finding God’s guidance in the matter." — Rich Kelsey
http://richkelsey.org/joseph_smith's_first_vision.htm

Sometimes I like to go back and read my first post here, from 2 1/2 years ago. It's amazing to read how lost, confused and scared I was at the time. So much has changed now. I think of all the stages I went through to get where I am now. I can only say that you don't stay in this initial frightened stage, but just like all of us, you have to get through those stages.

Just take it one day at a time and study, study, study. Read everything you can get your hands on about philosophy and science. Actually, you can just go on YouTube and look up a lot of fun things. There are so many opinions to be had out there. It helps you to sort out what you do believe and what you don't believe.

As Mormons, we were never allowed to study both sides of the story. If my friends accuse me now of only studying the non-Mormon side, I remind them that I spent 30 years as a Mormon. I know that side all too well, thank you very much. LOL They're the ones who will only study one side of the story.

But now I'm free to study anything, read anything, watch anything I want to, without someone going, "You shouldn't be reading that!" It's so freeing. The more you study, the calmer you get, because you become settled within yourself and what you truly believe personally. I no longer matter what others believe. It only matters what is right for you.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Welcome Ariane90,

Sounds like you are still sorting or sifting things out mentally...that's good to do...and a short response to your inquiry as to where to place the 'blame', if there really is any blame to place consider this:

You, me and thousands of other good people were carefully recruited,by various means, into this allegorical institution....it was us who turned over, or traded, our own self control, and gave the leaders their so called authority. They derived it from us, who gave it willingly, in most situations, at the time.

You are now in the process of retrieving that so called authority, to use now, for your own new authentic life, not theirs. Welcome!

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."

Welcome Ariane90 to the exmormon forums. I belive that you have found the right spot for you as you begin to learn the truth about Mormonism.

Congratulations on the big, self-validating, honest step you are taking, Ariane90.

Rainfeather, I am happy for you. And for me, too, since I entered the exmormon community with more curiosity and fear, than with confidence and trust. It has turned out pretty good, though, so I'm glad I stuck with it, cleared the cobwebs out of my head, and discovered I could make real and good friends here.

This is the best possible course of action, I think. Especially right after leaving Mormonism. Most of us spent so much time doing what we were told that we never had the chance to listen to our own instincts. It takes a little time to develop that skill.

Your story sounds a lot like mine. I do appreciate a lot of things about the church, and I don't really consider myself as "angry" about what happened. But I do feel cheated at times. ( I'd really like a refund for my tithing contributions over the years.) However, I understand that it's still really important to my family and friends, and I'm willing to be accepting of that. It's not always an easy thing, of course. But it's getting easier over time.

Welcome to the club. I hope that this community helps you to figure out what you want out of your life. I've found this group to be very supportive.

-Lavender

_________________
"If Lions could think, their Gods would have a mane and roar." - Xenophanes

"Wow! So the Bible is really a trilogy, and the Book of Mormon is 'Return of the Jedi?' I'm interested!" - Elder Cunningham, The Book of Mormon

Welcome to this great forum. I don't post as much as I used to since I've done so much research on TSCC anyway. Be sure to check out the Mormon Curtain. It sure opened my eyes to the REAL history of TSCC.

_________________
"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.'
- George W Bush

"Forget everything that I have said . . . ." Bruce R. McConkie, August 18, 1978