I have been reading the threads and I'm worried about my family being contacted also. Here's the thing...after getting the help from them I'm wondering how angry with me they will be, for one, and then either because of that anger or whatever other reasons they'll notify my Mother. Here's what I'm worried about...

She works for the church and is near retirement, she has also had to deal with hell for most of her life, including how she's treated by the men with her job etc. She has told me that if she didn't have a testimony she would never go back. So I DO want to help enlighten her and hopefully free her but she has to have that job.

At first, I thought I would wait till I knew she was retired to tell her because I don't want to make her job any harder for her than it is, especially if she starts questioning and leaving in her heart...she's trapped there. But, after reading about family being contacted I worry about her and feel like she should hear it from me, and then I would be explaining why I'm leaving and it could make it hard on her at work. And, if she hears it from someone else, it could be much harder for her to take. So what do I do? Man!

Another problem is that we don't currently have contact so if she did find out it would be even harder. She holds on to the promise in her patriarchal blessing that all of her children will return to her and we'll live together as a sealed family. She's lost two already to death, not to mention the other issues. While we don't communicate, my heart still hurts for her, more especially now that I know how she has been programmed, being a 5th generation. I was thinking I could call her before I sent my letters out and tell her about it, that way she could ask me why, I could tell her what I've learned etc. But I still worry so much about how it will effect her ability to cope at work. What the hell do I do?

Also, is there anyone here who might be able to help me find out when she's retiring? It really should be soon, if not already, maybe I could wait? Man, I really, really don't want to. I want to just get it all over with.

_________________
No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Here's another thing, it's her voice on the answering machine where she works so the other night I called, after hours, to see if it's still her or someone else. That would give me a clue to whether she was still working or not. But all I got was this weird message from the phone company. Like, those messages you get telling you a number is out of service or has changed, except this one says that the number "is IN service" and to try again later. I have NEVER heard this message before. If it's in service, why would I get a message like that? Why won't it just ring and ring and ring or get the answering machine. It worries me.

_________________
No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Boy, can I relate to your mother. I also worked for the Church. It was as soon as I got out of that job that I left the Church for good. Once you see how much of a good ole boys club it is and how the women are treated, it really opens your eyes.

I kept telling my friends that if they wanted to keep their testimonies, then keep their religious life and their work life separate. Never work for their church.

I'm not sure how you discovering the truth would affect your Mom's job. Do you mean if you tell her the things you'd discovered?

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

yea, I'm worried about her finding out that I had my name removed by someone else, which would destroy her. So wanted to tell her myself, but geez, how can I know if/when she might find out? I'd rather wait until I know she's retired because she won't be able to find another job anywhere where she lives and she NEEDS that job. Don't want to make it harder on her if I make sense to her etc. Does that make sense?

Also, I had the wrong number, but here's what I found out. It's NOT her voice on the answering machine anymore, but it is her email on their website still. hmmm

_________________
No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Ok, so here's what I thought over night. I'll just send her a letter the same time I turn in my res. She's already unhappy, already angry, she might find out anyway considering her job, and it's better coming from me. Given how the brotheren treat her, perhaps it could liberate her by a different perspective for her last year or so? I want to be able to tell her in my own way, not their way. And I guess I've decided that I can't be responsible for her feelings really, which is what she's always wanted. So I'll put together an email with links to information detailing the truth.

What do you think?

_________________
No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Do you think she'll ask you why you resigned? She doesn't really need to know, unless she wants to know.

Otherwise, I'd just say that you found a different truth than hers. That your sense of honesty and integrity made it impossible for you to remain a member any longer, but that you'll always support her in her decision to remain in the Church, or not.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

well I told her earlier this year that I thought I was a lesbian, I really have no clue, my sexuality has been driven deep inside and I'm trying to figure it all out. So, she'll assume that it's because I'm sleeping with someone. I want her to know the truth, and I'm concerned about someone else making up a story as to why I'm not a member anymore. She works for CES.

_________________
No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Yes, there are always members who are quick to decide that you're leaving because you want to sin, and that you're just not strong enough to live the Gospel.

The thing is that we ex-Mos discover that it actually takes much more courage to leave. We're the brave ones - going out there into the unknown world. It would be easier to stay where it's safe and familiar.

All I can say is that you should do whatever is right for you. When we try to do things to please other people, sometimes we end up pleasing no one. So all we can do is just do what's right for ourselves, because in the end, we're really not responsible for other people's reactions. But we can control how we respond to their reactions.

Perhaps you could just do what you feel is right for you, and then rehearse in your mind how you can respond to her possible reactions. Be prepared for anything, so to speak.

_________________
"A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

I started working on my letter tonight and have become nauseous and nervous. This happen to anyone else? Or is it just because everything is happening so fast for me? I absolutely want to do this, though I still bounce back and forth some. But I sure do feel sick.

_________________
No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.

Wow KatnCory, not the first human to get a little bit ' LDS see-sick ' from maybe viewing what was bought as perfectly true and tried.

_________________
God of Poly-Folly Folly

{ If you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer ~ Stevie Wonder }
.................. www.­tudou.­com/­programs/­view/­7Q0q-­Vv8sHQ/
.............. http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/7Q0q-Vv8sHQ/
.................. www.tudou.com/programs/view/7Q0q-Vv8sHQ/


God of Poly-Folly Folly