Here is a serious question. Ever think about this one. The geriatric authorities have to sit up on the stand in conference for in excess of two hours at a time. No bathroom breaks, right?

So how do they do it? As old and feeble as some of them are, surely there must be some serious "accidents" happen from time to time.

Any theories on how they handle their bladders and bowels? Depends? Adult diapers? Lots of cologna? Is that the reason for all the flowers?

Just wondering.

the seats are really just carefully disguised with special screens that allow the liquids to flow down into a little trough where they're gently flushed every time you hear the rush of the choir standing or music starting. It sounds like the wind in the pipe organs but really thats a special air system that blows into the trough to help push the urine into the sewer line below the podium. Occasionally one of the suction actions gets stuck and pulls a General Authority down onto his seat, extracting his bowels, brains guts and heart before finally releasing him with a sort of plunger flatulence sound. they cover this with a special synthesizer noise that sounds a lot like Thomas Monson clearing his throat. They all wear dark suits made specially by Mr. Mac to cover for the urine stains. The odors are masked by all the flowers up front during the service.



This photo was taken when one of the technicians asked the leaders if their special padded toilet seats were comfortable and if they liked the massaging air spurts on their nether regions during the service. They showed their enthusiasm by a show of hands.

Ok, that picture of Monson is just ripe for some parody. He looks like he's just fluffed a solid one and is so pleased with himself and the other guys are sniggering and about to go into fits of laughter. Eyring is looking past Uchtdorf at Packer hoping he can point his finger and say, "He who smelt it dealt it!".

I'm with balaam. I'm going with the Depends.

I confess, I do not know.
I suspect some may get up now and then,
the camera crews having been instructed before hand not to show them leaving,
for whatever they need to do.

On the other hand, I have been told that Rev. Moon has stood up in front of an audience, speaking for a matter of hours. He would chide his followers in the audience who got up to go to the bathroom or to get something to eat. I don't know how old he was then - probably 30s to 50s. Maybe he didn't speak as long in his 60s and 70s. I think in his case, he just really controlled it. Maybe not drinking anything for 12 hours or something like that. But then he'd have to drink while speaking, or his throat would dry out. The Morgiatrics, though, only speak for a short time, by comparison, so don't have that sort of dry-throat problem. What I would do, is not drink beforehand. I think that must be what they do.

Billy Graham spoke longer than any of the Morg-postles, in one standing, in his heyday. Compared to traditional Christian preachers, I don't think the Mormons compare well. Compared to the Dalai Lama, they aren't even religious.

Insanad, I knew you wouldn't let me down.

They are probably wearing Texas catheters that run into a leg bag strapped to their legs.

*A Texas catheter is a rubber condom that gets taped onto the flaccid penis. It has tube that runs from the tip of the catheter that runs into the leg bag.* Just in case you were wondering

It could also be that because they're such dry old coots that they urine is sent into a special cleansing Echmo type machine that then regenerates it back into the body, giving them the look of reconstituted pear flakes from Sam Andy dehydrated food. It gives them a few years extra of artificial life.

I'm also going with Abinadi's theory but mine is funnier. The texas catheter is funny too, especially if someone acidentally kicked one of htem in the shins and they ended up wetting their pants and the man next to them. I'd just get a kick out of watching someone kick one of them in the shins. I'd pay a dollar or two to watch someone give a clothes line chop right to Dallin Oaks throat. Or take Elder Holland and give him a swirly, or maybe take Doyd KKK Hacker and strap him in a wheelchair and send him down that long swirling flight of stairs at the visitors center.

I've always wondered, if they can send a man to the moon, why can't they send all of them (them being LDS church leaders) to the moon?

I'm constantly amazed at the information I pick up on this forum.

Paladin, I hope you would never consider my silly blatherings as "Information". You should always consider my posts to be written with a tone of sarcasm and parody. I make this stuff up or steal it from Salamander Society.

I just laughed my ass right off! (Thank you, Dana, I have been needing a good laugh; and thanks Balaam for teeing one up for her!)

Robinidah, Insanad, oh no-o-o-o-o ! ! !
. . . . . .

Insanad, I see you're engaging in evil speaking of the Lord's anointed again. Please stand, place your right thumb at the base of your left ear and draw the hand quickly across the throat, and then drop your hand to your side. That will do.

There comes a time when I feel so blue that the only cure is crude raw, biting skewering humor. Knowing that others got a little giggle helps me find center again. I've heard such horrific idiocy come from the mouths of those men that the only way I can enjoy seeing an image of them is if I'm attatching some potty humor to it.

Some day . . . the shortest conference talk . . . will be delivered . . .

'Brothers and Sisters, it is a privilege and a blessing to speak before you here today. I was originally going to speak on the principle of baptism in the fulness of the restored gospel as revealed through our beloved prophet Joseph Smith in these latter days of the final dispensation of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ through the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And that sermon was vetted only a few weeks ago by my wonderful, esteemed, precious colleagues in the Quorum of Apostles and by the First Presidency, after my two assistants had worked diligently on the wording and references, because, my faithful brothers and sisters, as General Authorities we rarely have time left over from their many duties and ministries and travels to work up a really inspiring conference talk. Some of you already knew that. But the Lord works in mysterious ways, doesn't he. For I feel a burden on my spirit today, to speak on another matter of even greater importance to the saints in these latter days. I hope our beloved Prophet and the beloved Apostles and the wonderful Elders and kindly sisters of the Church will bear with me as I express what the Lord has pressed upon me this day. The words I have to say are essential to your salvation:'

. . . . "Brothers and Sisters, the church, its history, its doctrines and even its organization, are all a farce.
. . . . Stop wasting your family's money and find something worthwhile to do with your time."

Well, the Texas catheter is a real thing. And if any of the men end up senile and incontinent someday, they'll be wearing one. I know, I've had to apply a few in my day as a nurse.

Insanad, I consider your blatherings insightful and wise. I understand sarcasm.