Hi everybody. I was thinking a lot where to share my problem, and I think it's the only safe place where I will not be a subject to judjement. At least I hope so.

But really, I'm so confused now and I wouldn't mind an advice on what I should do. I got married pretty late, after leaving mormon church. My husband is a great man, and we really enjoy being together. So far it's been a great 6 months of marriage. Yes, we want kids, but we do want some time for each other, plus we are not good financially. Anyway, to make a long story short, two months ago I got pregnant and we agreed that we should postpone having kids for at least one year. So I made an abortion and have no regrets about it. But... either we're too careless, or I'm paranoic, but I'm afraid I got pregnant again. Ohhh, the abortion is a nasty thing even though it was at a very early stage and there were no complications. But when I think about going through it again I get very nervous. On the other hand, when I think of having a child now, I get even more nervous and frustrated. Yes, probably I need to see a shrink but I can't find the one who would speak English here, and I still don't know the local language for a free communication.

I will really appreciate your ideas about this situation. At the moment it's hard for me to look at it 'from a distance', emotions are pretty overwhelming.

Volga,
People are desperate to adopt. Please consider adoption.

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"Asking God if a story is true, with the only acceptable answer being, 'Yes,' may not be a sound method to finding God’s guidance in the matter." — Rich Kelsey
http://richkelsey.org/joseph_smith's_first_vision.htm

In my opinion, your family planning is your own decision. Is your hubby comfortable with the previous abortion? It seems that you haven't mentioned his feelings on this. Maybe contraception would help till you both come to an agreement. and lastly, there are lots of kids out there awaiting an adoption like Rich mentioned...How about volunteering to be a foster parent and give it a trial run with a foster child?

_________________
"When authority masquerades as a power, a simple question will unmask it."

"Just because you think, feel, or believe something is true, doesn't make it true!"

"The doubt of your faith, is not God testing you, but truth trying to emerge and free you."

Thank you people! Everything's ok now, it was a "false alarm" But thanks for the advice with the foster care. In fact, my husband already has a son from his first marriage, and he visits us every other weekend. And seeing my and hubby's attitude I can say for sure: we're not ready for the kids yet.

Well, if you're sure you don't want kids now, then please see an OBGYN for birth control. There are so many options out there to help you avoid abortion. If finances are still a concern, Planned Parenthood can help you.

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"Obtained a restraining order against all truebelieving LDS Sept. 2012 since, after all, there really is life after leaving Mormonism & I'm never returning"