View unanswered posts
View active topics
It is currently Sun Feb 18, 2018 8:08 pm

Author Message
Post  Post subject: Courses crossed  |  Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 3:46 pm
April 05

His life was a shambles, his wife she had gone, the children had also picked up and moved on.
He reached for a bottle, and tried to explain, how God had abandoned him there on the plain.
He feared God as good followers knew they should do, but poked holes in the story, I'm fearful of who?
He looked to the ocean to follow a dream, and sail to the islands, and run from the pain.
He'd been a rancher and builder for most of his life, raised four boys a few dogs, and also a wife.
I'll move from the desert, the cows and the horses, and onto a sail boat, and thoughts of adventures.
If God is still out there he mocked with a sneer, I'd sure like to meet him, I've run out of fear.
So with a wave to his friends and a casting of lines, He hoisted the sails on a Santana thirty nine.
Now the crossing was easy, the storm Gods agreed, but landfall in Hilo was welcome indeed.
Still, life in Hawaii, tho sweet and sublime, yet adrift and eluded by peace for his mind.
He met a sweet lady with a life of her own, She'd come from the valley and a sad broken home.

The world knew her as Mary, a birth bestowed deed, in Hawaiian it's Malia, she was so fine to me.
We met in the Islands, on a hot August day, shared a lifetime together, from then until May.
She had beauty and grace and an irreverent style, stop men dead in their tracks, with her radiant smile.
She could hang with the boys, talk pigeon, da kine, then put on a dress, and go out on the night.
She'd wear pearls round her neck, and did it with class, always vibrant and glowing, and a very cute...tush.
I'll speak just a while now of Marys travail, she longed for a soul mate, to share love eternal.
A jerk magnet she thought, there'd been lovers, a few, but none that were solid, none that were true.
She said to herself, soul mates don't exist, but down deep inside, that's not what she wished.

They met on the solstice, a wintertime wealth, and wed a year later, but I'm ahead of myself.
He was tall and good looking, a physique to die for, She fell for him hard, and he all the more.
He swept up his new lover, and took her down South, the land of enchantment, the city of Taos.
They hiked and they skied, and held the other tight, he wrote her love letters, the poetic type.
She knew she had found the man of her dreams, and thanked heaven above, he's all that he seems.
Now life can be peaceful and sometimes it's rough, and along with her new love, came a twelve year old tough.
Your son, she exclaimed is making life hell, you must discipline, for all is not well.
He gave her an ear, then turned for the door, that door swings both ways, he heard her implore.
Now ultimatums are a terrible call, to be used only rarely, or never at all.
He made a decision, a bad one by far, and left his dear Mary, her clothes and her car.
Six days she lay crying, a heap on the floor, then picked herself up, and was stalwart once more.

And that's when I met her, in grief and despair, back on the big Island, you see she'd been here before
She was back in her element, a place that she loved, and starting to see, there was light up above.
We sailed to Lahaina and Manele Bay, braved the channel at night, we were well on our way.
And talked of atolls and faraway lands, she was falling again, for a seafaring man.
With six billion people on this planet at once, there could be another soul mate you can trust.
But the union was troubled, no battles were won, Just simply was added more hurt to each own.
Both looking for heaven in their own certain way, they clung to each other, to get through the day.
Now nothing this fragile can last till the end, and Mary, his darling said good by My friend.
Bereft and forlorn, the two lovers did part, but each carried with, a small place in their heart.
For something so fleeting, but cannot be found, in the soul of another, if yours is not sound.
So Mary went back to the valley to try... to try to rebuild what she treasured in life.
Was it wrong I wonder, to have written her today, I'll see you in Fiji, if fate knows the way.

With love and direction now gone from his sight, he sailed his sloop Glorie, off into the night.
Determined to drive for the edge of the earth, into the abyss, it couldn't be worse.
But this time the storm Gods just would not abide, and released a great gale, to turn back his tide.
With reefs in the mainsail and storm jib in place, he begged for salvation, and fought for his space.
His thoughts wandered off to his children and home, to Mary, and lost love, he felt so alone
Now as quickly as winds gather force on the sea, they soon were abated, and set the sloop free.
He fell to his bunk, to rest for the day, but something disturbed him, what's this in my way.
A book so carefully stowed in it's place, had fallen beside him, he opened the page.
The teachings of Buddha he said with frown, but soon was discovered, could not be put down.
This isn't the teachings I remember from youth, My God, he is angry, he hates the uncouth.
This book spoke of love, the unconditional kind, it told of a way to have peace in your mind.
Thoughts, they are things and they don't care what, so send them out happy, and let them take root.
It hit home, but quickly, the stories are true, Our God is not out there, he's inside of you.
Then turning his trusty sloop into the wind, he hoisted the sails, and set course again.
His mind drifted back, to an oft thought of day, To Mary, her tears falling, as he sailed from the bay.
And the book, he knew not, from where that it came, inside a note had been hidden away.
And finding it now, as he opened the page, I'll see you in Fiji, if fate knows the way.

Post  Post subject: Re: Courses crossed  |  Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 4:23 pm
User avatar
Moderator (Retired)

Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:46 pm
Posts: 6059
Location: Kolobian highlands

Ohhh sure, do that whole romantic, sensitive, kind hearted, longing type of guy thing just after I post a rail on misogynist bastards deeming the whole gender to a massive pig wallow to rot in hell. Now you're ruining my whole picture of mean selfish bad guys.

That was quite the epic poem Curtis. I think you might just have some worth afterall. Reminds me of "The Owl and the Pussycat"....

So Mary didn't work out and you sailed away for a year and a day to the land where the bo-bong trees grow,
and there in the woods, a piggie wig stood, with a ring in the end of his nose, his nose his nose, a ring in the end of his nose.

Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling, your ring...Said the piggy, "I will". So he took it away and got married the next day, by a turkey who lives on the hill. The hill, the hill, by a turkey who lives on the hill.

They dined on quince and slices of mince (or maybe it's mince and slices of quince but I don't know what either one is) which they ate with a rauncable spoon, then hand in hand on the edge of the sand, they danced by the light of the moon, the moon the moon. They danced by the light of the moon.

Did all that time away help you discover whats most important in life? You've lived a part of life that most of us can only dream about. Theres a place in Hawaii that I want to go as soon as BABB's mom wins one of her Bingo matches here in Vegas cause that's the only way we're ever going to be able to afford it. Have you ever heard of the Princeville Resort on Kauai? In my next life I'm going to be a princess and go wherever I want whenever I want with BABB and we're going to be fabulously wealthy and much taller.

I google earth. I have been all over the Fiji islands, New Zealand, the Adriatic coast, etc. I spent several hours in Bali but it was too hot and sticky so I went to the fijords in Argentina and Chile for a while to cool off. Yesterday I spent half the workday in Nova Scotia. The mosquitos are a nightmare this time of year!!! I decided to go where I could watch the night stars without any city lights so sat on top of Mt. Everest for a while but got elevation sickness and had to come down to Nepal and eat at the McDonalds there in Katmandu. Can you believe they serve Yak burgers? EWWW. The butter looked rancid but I rubbed it on my cheeks to get that ruddy earthy look that the locals have but it just made the gnats stick so I rubbed it off on a prayer shawl and then Gniashvunisha or some other God turned me into a newt, but I got better.


Pissing in the Mormon Koolaide one post at a time. LIE PINOCCHIO!!! LIE!!!!

Post  Post subject: Re: Courses crossed  |  Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 4:36 pm
Thanks D. ....I think. I knew I should have went with the "Rednecks and tractors" story instead....

Post  Post subject: Re: Courses crossed  |  Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 4:44 pm
User avatar
Moderator (Retired)

Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:46 pm
Posts: 6059
Location: Kolobian highlands

Epic tractor poems and greasy rednecks, now you're really melting my butter. Here's some of my favorite rednecks.

These guys are so classy.


Pissing in the Mormon Koolaide one post at a time. LIE PINOCCHIO!!! LIE!!!!

Post  Post subject: Re: Courses crossed  |  Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 5:43 pm
I had come across that link before in another line you had posted....Those guys are long as you keep reminding yourself it's a parody

Checkout "OL Cap"

[I apologize for a couple of non politically correct words. I used to be a redneck but I got better]

A few years ago, I went through a divorce, and severed all ties with a clan.
And now here's a tale, of a tractor and a well, and a guy with a some flaws in his plan.

The divorce was going fine, at least for their side, with my father-in-law leading the charge.
'Ol "Cap'n " decided, the possessions that resided, with me, now belonged on his farm.

Our farms they abutted, and Cap thought enough of, this favorite tractor of mine.
To remove it one day, while I was away, and secure it with devious design.

Now I knew where it was, And it was a good place because, the path to it was right past his house.
He knew I was aware, but assumed I wouldn't dare, to attempt the indirect route.

The route through the fields, and logging roads and trails, that drops down right back of his place.
And on a dark night, with the rain falling light, I set out to rub that sneer off Caps' face.

Now I had a good friend, who suggested that when, and if I was to do a recon
If I needed some aid, or even a hand-grenade, then maybe he aughta come along

He'd done a tour in Iraq, and had a pretty good knack, for getting people to see things his way.
And many a coyote, did sing it's last note, when Jeff brought his Bushmaster into play.

But I politely declined, for I'd different friend in mind, another of my very good pards.
He came dressed in a bottle, and wore only a label, and his name was Henry Weinhards.

Well I didn't have a key, but I figured being me, I'd improvise like Macgiver would do.
And she came right to life, when the tip of my knife, touched the starter where the wires came through.

Now the problem I could see, being minus a key, the headlights would be taking a break.
I decided to be alright, with my trusty flashlight, and that was my seventh mistake.

I set off down the trail, going mostly by Braille, with dreams of my homecoming show.
When my made in China light, decided that at night, was the place it was designed not to glow.

Now being in space, Chuck Yeager's' an ace, and John Glenn, he knows just what to do.
And when I made a hard right, in the dark of that night, I learned just what a pilot goes through.

And as far as I can tell, gravity knows very well, how to deal with a tractor in flight.
But the rest of this tale, wouldn't go very well, if I wasn't at least still alive.

About thirty feet down, I rediscovered the ground, and set about to remembering where I am.
My head was still on, only a small part was gone, but quickly found it, on the roll bar in the cab.

Now when this Deere was new, oh the things she could do, she could literally climb up a tree.
So with a towel round my head which was quickly turning red, I set about to crawling out of that creek.

Now Cap'n never seemed ashamed, of wearing that name, but I never really did think it fit.
Oh he did have a command...of the bottle in his hand, I just figured it was short for dumbshi.....

Those guys at John Deere, Cap figured were all q***r, and got their degrees right from the funny pages.
So down in the shop, the boys pop off some tops, and set about to makin some changes.

So when I pulled on the lever, that lifts up the loader, It moved at the pace of a snail.
I knew right away, that my plan of escape, was pretty much all shot to hell.

Well I staggered on up, hiked on back to the truck, thinken of places I'd much rather be.
But knew that my fun, was really not done, I still had to get over that tree.

I had jumped it coming in, but it wasn't by plan, I was going a bit fast for the trail.
And coming back out, as I tried the same route, a branch stuck it's nose in my wheel.

Karma and me, sometimes disagree, on the things that I deem to be fun.
And fixin tires in the mud, with my head dripping blood, isn't my idea of a day in the sun.

But I did get her fixed, found my way out of those sticks, and started thinking that I must be home free.
And passed through the gate, I'd left open... by the way, and finally, I'm back on the street.

Now If you can talk "cow", they'd explain to you how, they really don't have a map of the gate.
But left open for a minute, in ten seconds they'll be in it, and out looking for someone to date.

Now I know this seems scattered, but all that really matters, is I'm telling this story for me.
And if you will abide, and forgive me my rhyme, I'll try to make clear history.

In the papers of divorce, that cow herd of course, had waned down from sixty to three.
But there on that dark night, giving each other high fives, all sixty stood looking at me.

Then the blue lights descended, and never really ended, I was had, it was the end of my quest.
Then the big baddest steer, who by the way... was a q***r. pulled a knife and made a bovines arrest.

And when the cops took a look, in the back of my truck, and saw Henry and the rest of the crowd.
I just shook my head, to the officer and said, do ya think you could just shoot me now....

Now the thing that's the worst, in a two year divorce, when it's over, now what's there to do.
Well at least it did seem, that my in laws did grieve, that all of their fun was now through.

And now with the factor, that the custody of the tractor, had been officially awarded to me.
I decided it time, to collect what was mine, but had a feeling that it wouldn't come cheap.

So I calls up 'Ol Cap, and he explains to me that, if I would like to collect what was mine.
Six week notice in fact, by letter and stamp, was the way that we'd scheduled his time

Well, the day it did come, and I set out on my run, to retrieve my property so Deere.
I pulls up to his shop, bring the rig to a stop, and watch Cap strolling up in my mirror.

Well, he saunters on up, takes a sip from his cup, then pronounces in a tone rather shill.
Oh now, by the way, before you leave here today, you owe me a thousand dollar bill.

I guess that was the rate, back in nineteen ninety eight, for pulling stuck tractors from the mud.
And just to make sure, that there wouldn't be a stir, He'd called in some boys from the hood.

He then wonders aloud, to his heehawing crowd. as to how I was going to load it.
With the hydraulics broke down, and the bucket on the ground, filled up to the brim with cow s***...

Now, believe it or not, I'd figured on a plot, Knowing the old man could be sly.
I didn't even blink, just gave him a wink, in a minute you'll understand why.

My assessment was quick, and with a push and a click, had the wayward hose back in it's space.
Right where that engineer, who works at John Deere, had put it in the very first place.

Then powering up, she ran like a pup, and giving all thanks to the lord.
I deposited that mass, of recycled by cow grass, on top of Caps' shiny new Ford.

Now the reason that shite, didn't get set aside, but instead went on top of Caps' truck.
Right there with me, kinda built like a tree, 'Ol Jeff had come along just for luck.

And when He slammed that cab door, I looked over to where, those boys had been yukking it up.
But all that was there. was just two vacant chairs, and a couple of half empty cups.

I guess they must have had wives, and considered their lives, more precious than their loyalty to Cap.
Jeff described all the fun, he had watching them run, with their heads stuck up each others ass.

Last edited by curtis059 on Wed Jun 11, 2008 6:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

  Post  Post subject: Re: Courses crossed  |  Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 5:50 pm
User avatar
Moderator (Retired)

Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:46 pm
Posts: 6059
Location: Kolobian highlands


But I politely declined, for I'd different friend in mind, another of my very go pards.
He came dressed in a bottle, and wore only a label, and his name was Henry Weinhards.
:o :o

I got that far and just have to stop and applaud. Who knew there was a good word to rhyme with Weinhards? I have to go home from work now but when I get done with my chores I'll try to finish reading this epic poem. I'm remembering why I never attempted to write poetry. I'm much better at dirty limerycs (sp?).


Pissing in the Mormon Koolaide one post at a time. LIE PINOCCHIO!!! LIE!!!!

Post  Post subject: Re: Courses crossed  |  Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 10:33 pm
User avatar
Moderator (Retired)

Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2008 6:46 pm
Posts: 6059
Location: Kolobian highlands

Well, it was worth reading the whole thing. I won't give it away but that was a priceless vindication Curtis. You mentioned some sex but other than a queer bull I didn't gather much fun in that realm. I'm pretty sure you won't be giving Yeats any cause to be knocked off his perch but it's a very funny poem.

I have a favorite brother in Idaho with a 60 acre farm that is a cruddy little speck of land with every kind of rusty crap one would ever wish to see in such a place. His tractor has a tricky shift lever and will knock ittself into gear over a dog turd, even if you have the parking brake on.

One day about 6 years ago he was moseying along in the back 40 and came across one of the sheep stuck in the fence. He put the tractor in park and went to undo the ewe and the tractor seeing the opportunity to get back at all the cussing and kicking my bro had done over the years shifted herself into gear and headed toward him. Kent didn't want to lose a full grown ewe so he pulled her to the side and rolled just as the demon tractor hopped the ditch and came at them. It rolled over his shoulder and chest but at least the ewe wasn't hurt.

One of his sons saw this happening and ran to help his dad. Fortunately the ditch was a mucky mess of mud and Kent had just been pushed down into it rather than masticated by the bald tires of the tractor. His son is scared spitess that his Da is smashed to smithereens but Kent rises up and hollers, "Save the tractor before it goes over the pivot!!!". He was hurt bad and the parmedics called a helicopter from Boise for him and as they were loading him on the copter Kent was yelling at his wife and the boys, "Make sure you mend that fence so the sheep don't get out!!!, Turn the water at 3:00 am or we lose our turn!!! The calf feed needs stirring!!!"

Turned out he had a dislocated shoulder but not one rib was broken or internal damage caused. Now for the finale' "The Lord works in mysterious ways.... so I know the church is true.". Good one eh?


Pissing in the Mormon Koolaide one post at a time. LIE PINOCCHIO!!! LIE!!!!

Post  Post subject: Re: Courses crossed  |  Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 10:54 pm
Very good one!

Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Print view

Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
Jump to:   

Delete all board cookies | The team | All times are UTC - 7 hours [ DST ]

Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group.