There's always the horses in the New World issue and how JS or the Nephites could have mistaken Tapir's for horses. Seems like even a fifth generation Nephite or Lamanite would be bright enough to know the difference between a rodent of unusual size and a horse.

According to LDS scriptures horses appear in the BOM numerous times and yet the apologists are really stretching to explain that while no evidence exists to validate horses in N. or S. America prior to the Europeans, the horses have quite a presence in the world of the Nephites and Lamanites. As do chariots and wheels, neither of which exist in any sort of archaeological form or even carvings in ancient civizilations on the continents.

So I took the liberty of writing some companion scripture to help clarify this sticky tricky issue, so that in the event that an LDS person were to be confused and perplexed by the conflincting fact over legend, they can use this handy primer of scriptorial clarification to help overcome any doubts. I suggest that any who bother to read this re-think their testimonies of the validity of the BOM based on this new found scripture, which God himself revealed to me one night after some very spicy Mexican food and a little fermented Apple Juice, which I thought tasted a little funny but didn't want to throw it out and waste a good jug o' juice.

So without further adieu and adieu, Here's validation for horses in the BOM.

2 Nephi 12: 7
Their land also is full of silver and gold, neither is there any end of their treasures; their land is also full of horses, neither is there any end of their chariots. Yea verily, the horses of the land beareth likeness unto the squat pig, even unto the tapir but for the purposes of these holy scriptures we shall call them horses, even though they don't look anything like horses and are short, beligerent, and nigh unto untrainable in the arts of horses, but we shall hereafter call them horses.
Alma 18: 9
And they said unto him: Behold, he is feeding thy horses. Now the king had commanded his servants, previous to the time of the watering of their flocks, that they should prepare his horses and chariots, and conduct him forth to the land of Nephi; for there had been a great feast appointed at the land of Nephi, by the father of Lamoni, who was king over all the land. For yeah, verily and lo and behold-eth, Lamoni, the dark and loathsome dark king who had clearly been unrighteous in the pre-existence and was therefore relegated to the lowly birth of dark and loathsome in this life until he could prove his worthiness to become WHITE AND DELIGHTSOME, as is promised, anyway...yeah verily he clapped his dark and loathsome hands and an abundance of servants who were even darker and more loathsome rallied, yea verily, and brought him his horses and chariots. But nothwistanding that there were no horses but only fat ugly obnoxious tapirs, and no evidence of wheels but his chariots were more like fanciful sleds, the dark and loathsome servants did bring forth some tapirs with a fancy sled. And King Lamoni did command the tapirs to go forth upon the land and they lunged and eventually drug the lardy King through the mud and feces throughout the land on his sled, and he waved his dark and loathsome hands and blessed his filthy lamanite hoardes.

Alma 18: 10
Now when king Lamoni heard that Ammon was preparing his horses and his chariots he was more astonished, because his servants were determined to wrastle those unruly tapirs into harnesses and other paraphanalia and pull the sled/chariot that lacked wheels, and he was astonished at the absurdity of it all... because of the faithfulness of Ammon, saying: Surely there has not been any servant among all my servants that has been so faithful as this man; for even he doth remember all my commandments to execute them. For yea verily, even unto big whoop did the good King Lamoni who was getting whiter as I scratch this into the brass and gold plates did sayeth to Ammon, "Yur sure that's a harse? Looks like a damn Tapir to me? But what do I know, I'm a dark and loathsome Lamanite so if you say it's a harse I gots to believe you!! Thanks for fetching my chariot/sled. Yur a good un' Ammon, yep a right good un." .

Alma 18: 12
And it came to pass that when Ammon had made ready the horses and the chariots for the king and his servants, he went in unto the king, and he saw that the countenance of the king was changed; therefore he was about to return out of his presence. For yea verily, Ammon was astonished when he saw the dark and loathsome but getting whiter King Lamoni had changed. Yea and it came to pass-eth-ly that King Lamoni had turned a fairly pale shade of near ecru, perhaps even Navajo white as is used in cheap apartments, but is more of a neutral pigment and therefore most economical and universal, especially in flat or eggshell but not supergloss. Yea, Ammon was pretty dang impressed but he was also the type that could be easily duped because he thought a tapir was a horse and a sled was a chariot. Yea, Ammon was sort of a tard, thus verily.

Alma 20: 6
Now when Lamoni had heard this he caused that his servants should make ready his horses and his chariots. Yea verily, this has been established but since I Joseph, the servant and savant of the Lord am commandeth-ed to keep writing as if I have something to say do filleth page after page with pure codswallop, yea verily, absolute bullshit-teth because it maketh me seem important and filleth pages.

3 Ne. 3: 22
And it came to pass in the seventeenth year, in the latter end of the year, the proclamation of Lachoneus had gone forth throughout all the face of the land, and they had taken their horses, and their chariots, and their cattle, and all their flocks, and their herds, and their grain, and all their substance, and did march forth by thousands and by tens of thousands, until they had all gone forth to the place which had been appointed that they should gather themselves together, to defend themselves against their enemies.

Now in the first-eth months of the beggining of the next year, most likely unto the eighteenth year did Lachoneus and his thousands of followers and warriors and harlots and various support staff and all the war mongering generals and map makers and weapon pounders and more harlots, and some cooks and a few of those bean counter types that don't carry guns but are good at the details, and some more harlots did gather together for a great war. The tapirs and sleds hereafter known as horses and chariots did line up for a large battle, yea verily, epic and bloody, which delighteth my servant Joseph Smith who likes such bloody stories and grand illusions of victory of imagined enemies.


Yea verily, the tapirs did shyte themselves in the face of the enemy and the stench of their excrement did penetrate the nostril-eth region of the warriors, causing them to retreat and go to the harlots for comfort. Thus the war was put off for a few days because some generals did pulleth a ham string in their vigorous harloting.

3 Ne. 21: 14
Yea, wo be unto the Gentiles except they repent; for it shall come to pass in that day, saith the Father, that I will cut off thy horses out of the midst of thee, and I will destroy thy chariots; And let this be a lesson to ye freaking Gentiles, for it did come to pass that the Father cut off thy horses and destroyed thy chariots, even unto lifting every evidence of such from the face of the earth and it's bowels and secret parts and did evaporate all the metal and swords and implements of war and did maketh the blood of Tonto the Jew to be identical to the blood of the Asiatic people and the Lord did confound all the evidence of the ancient Jews on the Americas and removed all likeness of truth for the Lord did feel generally pissed off and pretty damn revengeful, which was like him considering his past shennanigans. And the Lord went off to sulk and plan his next catastrophe. Adiu and Adiu, sayeth the Lord because he had just spent a week in Canada and thought it sounded really refined. Amen

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