I read online a couple of places that people have had success with submitting a resignation through email, so I decided to try it. I'm not sure how it will go, but wanted to experiment.

Last Thursday, I told the 1st counselor that I needed to be released from my calling. The thing is, my wife asked to be released from her calling earlier that same day. She has a job that is interfering with her calling, so that's why she asked to be released.

On Sunday, both my wife and I were asked about it by the bishop. The bishop talked to me in private. Bishop: "Are you having problems in your marriage"? Me: "Nope". Bishop: "How is your job going?" Me: "Great". I didn't mention to him that I got the biggest raise in my life one month after I stopped paying my tithing . I then told him I didn't want to talk about it. I've already realized that spiritually, he doesn't have a clue what is going. I haven't said a word to anyone except for my wife. I'm a quiet type and don't want to talk to anyone about it until I get the letter from the church.

Our home teacher's wife was in Ward council on Sunday. After church, my home teacher made an appointment. Since they are good friends, their home teaching consists of us having dinner at their home, having his son give a short lesson, and then playing some games. Basically, we share home evening with them. Our kids and their kids get along well, so it works out.

So, the son starts to give the lesson and it's on tithing. At the end of the lesson, he asked "the parents" to comment on the blessings they've received from paying tithing. The home teacher's wife said something, then asked me to say something. I said, "I'm happy that I've been able to have and keep a job and have only been layed off once, but found another job in two weeks." Then, the lesson ended. No other discussion. No other comments from the other two parents.

When we got home, my wife was fuming. She suspects they talked about me not paying tithing in ward council. I tried to play devil's advocate and mentioned that the youth priesthood lesson this Sunday was on tithing, and maybe that's where the son's idea originated. My wife is still going to talk the bishop about it.

Sorry to dump all of this out there. I just needed to talk to someone and figured that's what this forum is for.

I think I'll wait for a couple of weeks and if I receive no communication from the church records department, I'll submit my resignation to the bishop.

_________________
Shonto

Shonto,

I don't know how your letter was written, but mine said I didn't want them contacting me. The bishop, I think, took it kinda personal, like we were angry at them.

What we really meant was that we didn't want to be loved bombed. That we had made up our mind and that we didn't want official communication. We don't necessarily want a termination of the friendships we had. We love them but we don't love them in that "churchy" way anymore. "Lets be friends"

I know, it sounds like a divorce.

Maybe that's just the thing though. People can be friend with people they've never had a relationship with. They can be friends with someone they are in a relationship with. It's rare that some can be friends with their Ex ... at least until both sides are no longer emotionally invested in it. Too confusing before that.


One thing I learned in the process is that you're not going to get Ex'ed because you have doubts or problems w/ the church. You won't get X'ed for not paying tithing. You will really need to be speaking against the church... beyond asking some ackward questions. Or at least that is what was inferred by our bishop and what I have seen from my BIL and SIL.


Hang in there.

Peace.

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17

My letter mentioned not contacting me, but I sent it as email straight to the membership department.

Out bishop and his family are good friends of ours and I need to just talk to him in person and let him know that my decision doesn't have anything to do with him, but with the church. I'd still like to be friends and I don't want him to be offended with how I've handled the situation.

It does sound a lot like a divorce, although I've never experienced one myself.

This is going to be an interesting ride. It's a little scary, but I'm still excited to be on it.

_________________
Shonto

Well you don't have to contact your bishop on the matter if the e-mail doesn't do the trick.
Here's a website that might be helpful how to resign directly with the membership department if your initial e-mail doesn't yield the desired results.
http://www.mormonnomore.com/

_________________
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Thanks poliisi. I hadn't seen that site before, although I had seen a several different others. After looking through it, I decided to mail off my resignation today. I want it to be totally official with my signature. It actually should arrive tomorrow because I live so close.

Thanks again.

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Shonto

Resignation letters to the LDS Incorporated should be fun. Looking back I wish now that I would have taken advantage of the opportunity to tell them to take a flying leap in very specific ways.

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Dipsnort, sniper of truth and aspiring Harriet Tubman of Mormonism

That's very helpful. I'm inactive, having just moved within the boundaries of a new singles ward. It's nice to know I don't have to meet with a Bishop I don't know whenever resignation is actually an option for me.

Thanks, poliisi!

Good luck, Shonto!

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"If Lions could think, their Gods would have a mane and roar." - Xenophanes

"Wow! So the Bible is really a trilogy, and the Book of Mormon is 'Return of the Jedi?' I'm interested!" - Elder Cunningham, The Book of Mormon

I decided to mail a resignation letter last night with delivery confirmation. Today, I received a letter of acknowledgement of my email from the church. This letter says that this is an ecclesiastical matter to be handled by the local leaders.

I just fired off a quick email using language from the site poliisi mentioned telling them that it is NOT an ecclesiastical matter and I know my rights and to quit messing around. I also mentioned that I specifically asked for no contact from the church except to give me my letter.

We'll see how well that goes. I was surprised with the quick turnaround from my Monday email.

Last night, I told my children (daughter 17, son 15, and son 12). My daughter has barely spoken to me since then. I played video games with my sons last night and they seem to be doing OK. I think they'll be alright. My wife wants to keep them in the church if they still want, so we'll see what happens.

_________________
Shonto

We offered to let the kids keep doing things with the church if they wanted. We weren't going to work too hard to get them there though. No struggle to get them up and ready on Sunday AM's for sure. "Eh, you're not ready? Well maybe next week."

My son (12 yo) told one of his LDS friends that it's kinda like having 2 Saturdays. He's clearly not too bothered by it.

If I had to guess, your kids are probably more concerned about loss of friends and loss of routine then anything else. Though maybe your daughter being oldest is a little more seeped in the doctrines/teachings.

Patience and love my friend ... and a united front from mom/dad would help.

Peace.

_________________
I resigned from the Church of THE Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints (Feb 2011)

"For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad." - Luke 8:17

Wow. Yes, that is the "Mormon way". Welcome to Mormonism, where most Mormon men are really just gossipy old women in white shirts and neck ties.
Let me get this straight. Your family was invited to dinner. You're given a passive aggressive "lesson" by a child about tithing which some local "leaders" would know you did not pay. Is that about right?
And did you say your "bishop" was asking about your marriage? If it was me I would have said "my marriage is great and the sex beyond great. How about you?". Have you seen most Mormon women? Who was it who once said "even an old barn looks better with a fresh coat of paint"? Some Mormon "leader" I believe.
I sincerely hope you get a satisfactory response via email.

Yes, Colin, that is correct. The tithing lesson just happened to come up the Monday after my wife and I both asked to be released from our callings. And the day after ward council. And the day after a counselor in the bishopric and the bishop both talked to me about asking to be released.

The funny thing to me is that the bishop had no clue why I asked to be released. He was grasping at straws: Bad marriage? No. Lost a job? No. Hmmm, what else could it be? I always thought inspiration was supposed to take over LOL. I was sorry that I didn't tell him that sex has never been so great, but I'm not exactly a quick thinker. One of those times where the thought occurred after the conversation was over.

Oh, and by the way, our marriage is better than it's been in years. Not that it hasn't been great, but my wife and I have been bonding better than ever. She loves the new me a lot better than the old me. I was always told that the opposite would happen if you left the church.

I'm still waiting for the obligatory contact from the bishop that I asked not to have happen. Like I've said, the bishop is a friend of ours and I'd like to keep the friendship. I'll have to wait and see what happens.

_________________
Shonto

I think I read on this forum something along the lines of 'you can steal more money with a briefcase than with a gun'. The implication being white collar crime is easier than violent crime.
I'd like to add to this. You can steal more money with a bible than a briefcase.


I can be the same way. When I'm left speechless it's usually because I cannot believe what I just heard. Then I think about a line from the movie Back to the Future "his parents are probably idiots too". Some people were just plain 'raised wrong'.


It is both love- and life-affirming for me to hear your marriage is doing so well when I know of so many marriages that are not. Recently I was trying to comfort someone whose "Mormon" marriage is falling apart but he doesn't know it yet or is afraid to recognize the situation for what it is. And it is very sad.


I sincerely hope your friendship will survive this. You may just find your friend gains a new found respect / admiration for you because of your authenticity and courage to 'choose the right' for you and your wife.

<sarcasm>What!? Did the church lie about this too? How this can be!? </sarcasm>

_________________
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"People who leave the church never amount to anything." That's what I was taught. And I believed it so much, I made sure it happened to me. I became less than nothing. As the scales fell from my eyes, I was suprised to see I had become more than what I had been as a tbm! I was promoted in my jobs, fairly easily, with a couple of handsome raises to go with the promotions. I went back to school, and graduated. I married. My wife was not ugly. My children were not satanic. I met people in other churches who were not "there for the money and the fame," some of whom became good friends. Yes, I had loyal friends, including friends who did not lie, commit adultery, blaspheme the lord, and all that other anti-mormon stuff. I had broken the spell!

"People who leave the church never amount to anything." Did you ever notice, the mormons who say that do not give a clear, agreed meaning for "amount to anything"? The first answer that usually comes out when I ask what that means, is "a good job" and something like "respect from" or "position in" the community. Those are significant. What about the other anythings to which a person may amount! As a spouse, a parent, a foster-parent, a baby-sitter, a mentor, a tutor. As a person of integrity, confidence, self-esteem. As a volunteer for community, schools, church, hospice. As a prayer partner, a nature lover, a charitable giver. As a good neighbor, a law-abiding citizen, a voter, an officer in a club or hobby group. These, too, are "anything" to which a person should be proud to "amount". There are zillions of things that make you, personally, a person of worth. Don't let anyone tell you "you'll never amount to anything." They are dedd rong!

It takes a while for some of us to unfreak that part of us that expects the mormon curse, "you'll never amount to anything", to unfold in the worst way. The curse is another lie of mormonism. Sorry, true believers. Sorry, Dallin Oaks. You, too, general authorities. A person can amount to whatever they want to amount to. Quitting a church can't stop it. Each year, look back at your life, look at what you have done, where you've gone, who you've met, how you are. You will be surprised at the amount of worth your life has, even outside of the Mormon Church.